Letter to Daisy

Dear Daisy,

I'm sleepy. I don't even know why i'm this sleepy but i'm having a hard time to open up my eyes. Beside that, my head hurt but i have such a extraordinary idea that i need to jot down before i do passed out. Pray that i manage to get it together before anything happen.Unfortunately, i cannot recover the things that i have already forgotten. I'm getting old. Ugh,, Somehow i'm not interested in growing anymore. I'm single and i can't find someone who can accept my love and me. Men and their stupid eye. Why do i have to go back here again? I thought i was talking about my greatest idea but i seem to be getting away from it. Probably due to what i'm thinking right now.

Letter to Daisy

Dear Daisy,

I love you Daisy. I want to cry right now. I feel like crying which i can't really figure why. I wonder why do i have to waste my tears to something that i don't even know. Anyway, forget about that. Now i feel like shooting myself for saying such a horrible thing in the past. I wonder when did that ever happen. Why, i am such a sweet, innocent, gentle lady to begin with, why would i say something unpleasant to the ear. I think i just kill everyone ear or eye for shamelessly writing it down. Please, i can never think myself as that and i don't have any intention at all of being that. Although at this moment i am training myself to be a good housewife. No, i don't plan to work. I'm too lazy to follow other people's rule and i don't like following rule. I have my own rule which is why i can't seem to be in the crowd. They suffocate me. Not that they disgust me but i just don't feel comfortable. Ever since i let my wild side took over me i become frighten with everything that i do. Yes, i am a coward at the moment but somehow its best to keep myself hidden for a while.

Letter to Daisy

Dear Daisy,

I'm being lazy again. I want to share something for you. A quote that seems appropriate at this time. 

"If i love you, what business is it yours? -GOETHE-"

I like how it sounds and i like the meaning behind it. Maybe it means a lot more than i understand but lets just let my own life unveils the truth behind it. 

Letter to Daisy

Dear Daisy,

You've heard the news. Yeah, i'm not single anymore and no i'm not happy. I don't know why it is such a big issue when i changed my status. It's just another heartbreak, another problem that i need to handle. I pity him for asking me out although i have my own terms. I bet i'll be single again by the end of this year or the quickest one is maybe next week. I don't give him a chance at all right? I know. I'm cruel and so on but i told him already but he doesn't want to hear anything so what am i suppose to do? Was i suppose to be what??? I just don't bother anymore. My past seems to be haunting me no matter where i go. Curse me and whatever you want to do i just don't care anymore. Let's just stop. Somehow i'm not excited about this.

Letter to Daisy

Dear Daisy,

I haven't gone long but yet my eyelashes nearly gone if people keep on missing me. ekekeke. What the heck am i talking. Don't bother. I was just trying to figure out the best way to open up a story although i know it doesn't even have any connection at all. I'm just being bored. I thought i'll be busy this week and last week but it seems i don't have to bother about anything since they are working outside the house and my service is not really needed. Now i'm bored. I got nothig to do and can't figure out what should i do. I decided to blog but still i can't figure out what to talk about. Talk about the weather? Since when my life become this dull? Nah, don't answer that. I can figure it out by myself, thank you.

Letter to Daisy

Dear Daisy,

Care to give me a hug? A warm one? hehehe. I just don't give a chance to other people won't i? Once i made up my mind it's pretty hard to change it. I flirt when i feel like it, give a smile if i feel into it, laugh if i found it amusing, run away if i don't like it and throw sarcasm if i chose to be evil. What am i? Some sort of decil who rules its own kingdom? Help me before i turn it like i own the world. I might not be a genius but i'm not ignorant either. I only take the information that i want and go with it. How i survive is only according to my rule. Which is probably the reason i don't get along with other people's head and their way of living.

Letter to Daisy

Dear Daisy,

My dad is going to KL tomorrow. So maybe a couple days of peace for me and my mom. Oh yeah, did i tell you that i make up with my mom already? We don't really discuss about it because if we do bring it up again neither of us would talk to each other again. And maybe for a long time. I don't know since when we started doing this but i already told her the reason i don't want to talk. I don't want to hurt people with my word. Probably the reason why she thought i can't take care of myself and easily bullied. I have to admit that is my nature. Ever since high school. Whenever i remember how i was bullied by other students while i was in high school it kind like pissed me off since i didn't defend myself. The only thoughts that i had at that time i still want to protect their feeling. I'm being an idiot right? Obviously their word hurt me deeply but i still consider what if i regret saying it, what if i humiliate them, what if i hurt them and what would their parents say. I kept thinking that and it was pretty stupid of me for protecting them. Anyway that is not why i'm here for.

Letter to Daisy

Dear Daisy,

My mood lift up little by little and i'm starting talking with my mom again and with the rest of my family. But i could not get rid of the frown when my dad ask me to do something. The real me start to get control. I think i have put enough poker face but i don't know if i'll be using the mask again. Ugh,, This whole thing make me feel nausea. I knew it. I'm not this type of person. Despicable me. Oh bother,,, I wonder whatever i'm doing right now. My mind is in the state of cluttered?? Well maybe that's the perfect word. Cluttered. Yup. It sounds right. Anyway i got few updates and i'll tell you in a bit.

Letter to Daisy

Dear Daisy,

I wonder why i'm so cruel. It's not that i don't forgive people, i forgive them but i need a long time to heal. In the past, i can forget things easily. The pain that people cause me, the word that i have to swallow, i can easily cool myself and forget it the next day. I forgave them for all the pain that they cause me no matter how mad i am, i still do forgive them. But right now it's a bit hard for me to heal the pain. Thats why i can't talk to them yet. It's nearly a week. I hate this part of me but during this solitary time i kept thinking which is much better? Giving a silent treatment or just voice out the hurtful word? For now, i stick to silent treatment but i don't know for how long and why i keep choosing the safest way. Anyway Daisy, this won't be long. I'm just voicing out what has been playing in my mind. I'm not depressed anymore. I can take care of myself. I dream about the strangest thing and get back onto my hobbies during this time. Until then Daisy.

Letter to Daisy

Dear Daisy,

I have been quite these past few days. Probably due to my dispute with my mom. Not something that i'm proud of. It's something to be shame of. Here i am a horrible daughter or even sister since i ditched nor talk to them. When i'm in this state i think no one dares to open up. I know i should apologize but if possible, i don't this whole thing to happen again. Maybe it's because i can't express my dissatisfaction i turn to this method. I know this hurt my mom to and i'm hurt to but it's better this way because if i do tell her about my true feelings i'm afraid she'll keep on hearing the same thing playing in her head over and over again. I don't complaint when i'm not satisfied but if i let my tongue slip away i know my word can hurt people. If someone do keep on provoking me then they just have to face my wrath. I already told you, i'm not an angel. Today my mom try to make me talk again. Seems like my mouth don't feel like replying to anything. Not to my sister's question or to anyone's call. No matter how hard i try i am still the bad one. Did i want this? I don't know. Maybe. I guess jungle suits me better. Living there with no worries for trendy cloth, money except for food. I am not a vegetarian to begin with but i know i'll find a way to live. Is my heart suppose to be painful right now? Nah, i guess it all end after that one night when i realize i should trust no one. Even the new friend that i thought would hear me out didn't even bother to help. And here he call himself an adviser. See, i'm starting to become evil again.

Letter to Daisy

Dear Daisy,

Hai. It's me again. I thought i said i would be busy but then i'm back in just couple of hours. There's something wrong with me. As usual, there's always cloudy day would stand by if i happen to pass by. Not just me, but anybody would have the same thing happen in their life also. It's natural. I know this would come but again, i failed to control my heart from breaking. I know it's my fault but i guess today is not really a good day to start with. I wonder why i'm blaming it with my day. Arrogant me.

Letter to Daisy

Dear Daisy,

What did i promise to tell you? I know my promise but as usual it took me a long time to fulfill my promises. Not that i plan to run away from it. It was never my way of doing things. I always depends on my mood to talk about something that i cherish. Yup, i cherish my dream, the man of my dream, a perfect marriage and everything that i got hold onto. It has been my everything. Once i see it, once i have it i think i'm the happiest girl in the whole world. Nothing can stop me not even my horrible past. I want to move on and i'll make another step forward to leave my comfort zone. I can always come back if i want to. I know it.

Letter to Daisy

Dear Daisy,

I seem to have a lot of time off. Ever since my sister's wedding i can't remember when was the last time i wake up late and sleep late. But i never missed out sleeping late. Not only that i don't have the time to feel the air brushes upon my face. It's been a long time. Right now i'm regaining my energy so that i have enough to fight in my next adventure. Ahackkk,, yeah right. I am such a dramatic person. I wonder who got me under the spelled? Geh. Whatever. I don't care anymore. All i know is right now i'm totally free and bored to death. You might see me hanging out one of this days. But that would depends though. Unpredictable me. Even i can't predict what i am about to do next. Hopefully i can refrain myself from conquering Sarawak. ekekekeke. Not interested in conquering the world nor Malaysia but i'm more interested in Sarawak. Such a big ambition for people like me. I think i'm going to throw up. Seriously D, you need to get a hold of yourself. When did i call myself D? I guess it suits me better. Yoroubun, call me D. ekekekeke. I'm mad. Yup, totally.

Letter to Daisy

Dear Daisy,

I just love to play hide and seek then make things complicated than usual. I'm just bored. Due to this i'm making my problem complicated by refusing to solve it at all instead i'm adding it more. Then i'll be banging my head everywhere i go. How bored can i be? Lets just say i'm very bored to the point i could die out of boredom. Even the game on this laptop couldn't even beat my boredom. I might destroy it if i force myself to play it. I wonder what i'm saying. Probably i didn't make myself clear enough. I'm freaking BORED right now. Whatever.