Letter to Daisy

Dear Daisy,

I love you Daisy. I want to cry right now. I feel like crying which i can't really figure why. I wonder why do i have to waste my tears to something that i don't even know. Anyway, forget about that. Now i feel like shooting myself for saying such a horrible thing in the past. I wonder when did that ever happen. Why, i am such a sweet, innocent, gentle lady to begin with, why would i say something unpleasant to the ear. I think i just kill everyone ear or eye for shamelessly writing it down. Please, i can never think myself as that and i don't have any intention at all of being that. Although at this moment i am training myself to be a good housewife. No, i don't plan to work. I'm too lazy to follow other people's rule and i don't like following rule. I have my own rule which is why i can't seem to be in the crowd. They suffocate me. Not that they disgust me but i just don't feel comfortable. Ever since i let my wild side took over me i become frighten with everything that i do. Yes, i am a coward at the moment but somehow its best to keep myself hidden for a while.

Now Daisy, i can't seem to recall any promise that i have given to you. I'm not being disloyal or anything but i can't seem to remember what i put behind. Maybe due to other things that have been playing in my head over and over again. I keep on having weird dream almost about everything that i ever wanted. So in the end i conclude my dream by saying that i may not be able to accomplished a certain dream since i dream t about it already. That was easy part. At least i can have my other dreams fulfilled. Like being in the arm of arrogance, selfish, annoying, blunt and wearing a warrior heart to protect him. Yeah i would love to have that dream to become a reality for i know i can be safe in his embrace and trust him. Not to mention i can love him the way i always wanted to love a person. At least in his eye i can show him who i am. The true me. I sound so pathetic. Well, whatever. 

Guess what? I manage to eliminate a friend again. Not that i meant by kicking them away or whatever. It seems that my temper manage to make my new friends cowers away. I'm sorry if i'm unable to control my freaking temper. I have been trying so hard to mend it and fix the problem and i did it by upgrading my patience and tolerate with whatever it they take as a joke. But when i am in bad mood i can't control it anymore and i wish them to shut their mouth for a while and stop acting almighty. Gosh, this is driving me insane. I guess that's why my phone doesn't rang or the reason why i don't bother bringing my phone everywhere i go. I'm thinking to dispose my handphone or something like that but then i still need it because that's the only way my family to reach me. Sigh... 

Daisy, i'm missing my love life. I'm so scared to move onto that path again. Afterall, i'm not attractive anymore. I'm fat, chubby, normal and jobless girl. I don't roam outside and make myself outstanding among my sisters. I don't have nice cloth nor wear makeup. I keep on bringing the same purple sling bag that i always carry and now i'm worried because i need to replace it cause it's nearly torn. I'm always that kind of person. And i have mention this almost a thousand times. I am fat and it is the reason why i don't have anymore confident to attract men. I used to blame men for they only see beauty but i should make an effort as well. Men and their stupid lust. I hate them. I should have be content with what i have but then i keep on seeking for more guidance upon me. Whatever. I don't want to go deep into that. I might have to dig my own grave if i do go there. 

Well Daisy, i'm running out of topic and story to tell. These past few days have been hell for me since i keep on fantasizing myself to be married at any moment.  Care to say anything Daisy? I bet you would have tons to say but since i'm unable to reach you yet, i have to torture myself in this sweet nightmare i call it. Until then Daisy. I miss something,,,,