Letter to Daisy

Dear Daisy,

My mood lift up little by little and i'm starting talking with my mom again and with the rest of my family. But i could not get rid of the frown when my dad ask me to do something. The real me start to get control. I think i have put enough poker face but i don't know if i'll be using the mask again. Ugh,, This whole thing make me feel nausea. I knew it. I'm not this type of person. Despicable me. Oh bother,,, I wonder whatever i'm doing right now. My mind is in the state of cluttered?? Well maybe that's the perfect word. Cluttered. Yup. It sounds right. Anyway i got few updates and i'll tell you in a bit.

Right now, as usual in my boring days and boredom i search for something that can help me make money. Although the money that i had in hand is just barely but i'm trying to find another way to get money. As always my head can fill up with thousands of ideas but only one that i can take and the rest just keep it in my inbox. Right now all i need is about RM1500. That's all. Curious about what i'm doing with this money? Well of course business. Wondering what the heck can i sell with only that much, plenty actually but lets just keep it down first. I have brilliant ideas but i don't have the money nor power. If i want to do something bad, i could but that is not my point. I hope i can convince my mom on this and hopefully with this i could actually make money. I hope it will happen. I can't wait to tell my mom tomorrow. Let it be small step at the time. Like Jamie said "One bite at the time". This whole thing can really keep me cheerful for the whole day. Or maybe a month, a year. It's within my passion. I can't wait. I hope i won't get rejected nor broken heart.

The second thing that i've been doing right now, well i'm not sure i told you about this before. Even i can't remember all the things that i told you. Right now i'm trying to finish up the draft for my novels and after it's done maybe i'll type it up and then i'm not sure what to do after that. Maybe i'll keep it for it is only for my eye only. What's the point of me telling you anyway when i keep it a secret. Well that's just me. Sneaky me.

What else,,,, Hurmmm.. I guess that's it. Daisy, i want to learn to recite Al-Quran again. I want to read it properly. I know you might be shock but the only 'surah' that i can read perfectly from Al-Quran is Yaasin. I look like a person who knows how to read it right? But it has been a long time i have forgotten about it. I did start reading it but i don't really know how to read it the proper way. So i'm quite jealous those who can learn it from the mosque or 'surau'. I wish i'll be able to do so. I want to have fun in Islamic way. I know i'm wild in the past and full of lies but right now i want to be a good Muslim. This is quite embarrassing confessing this to the whole world but this is my life, my true story. I want to be lead in the proper way. Although i have to warn people who dare to take the challenge to go easy with me and know how to persuade me. Otherwise they might end up taking my wrath. So, it might not be a good thing. Yes i do want to be lead but not from just anyone. I watch people and read their way. Although i ignore it but when it comes to giving advice to me not just anyone that i chose to listen to. Typical me. But i do hope i found a good husband who can lead me properly and i can talk everything to him including my past without him having doubt on me. That is just my wish though. But i know i'm very stubborn, hard-headed and bad tempered. I know what can cool me down but for now, let's just stop here. All i want now is, I want to be a good Muslim. Until then Daisy.