Letter to Daisy

Dear Daisy,

Hai. It's me again. I thought i said i would be busy but then i'm back in just couple of hours. There's something wrong with me. As usual, there's always cloudy day would stand by if i happen to pass by. Not just me, but anybody would have the same thing happen in their life also. It's natural. I know this would come but again, i failed to control my heart from breaking. I know it's my fault but i guess today is not really a good day to start with. I wonder why i'm blaming it with my day. Arrogant me.

Daisy, I made my mom angry, sad and hurt with me again. I guess my stubbornness is hard to control from time to time. Or is it my patience that has gone thin as...paper? I can't think of anything that is much thinner than that. Or maybe only modicum of sands. I wonder why i'm like this. Devil heart. I guess that would be another part of me. I cause so much pain to my parent. I'm too tired to think about anyone else. I have to mend my own heart before i hurt more people. It was only over my clumsy side while i was cooking and my mom made a point, she was correcting my faults. Somehow, i was tensed by all the talking and so on, so accidentally i raised my voice. She was hurt by that and my mouth just sealed off. I should have apologize at that moment but i can't hide my pain nor the hurt that my sister has put me also my mom's word last night. I know every living things in this world will eventually die. No matter what their age is. But must my mom talk about it last night when i still have just one more dream that i want to present to her? It hurt me. It really hurt me. I know all about it and i'm not strong enough to face it yet. That is what scares me the most. I wasn't able to give her something. It hurt me a lot. My purpose of living is my mom. I want to make her happy and give her the thing that she want most. But right now i'm hopeless to the point that i want Allah to just take away my life. Let my other sister do the task of making her happy. The reason i stay beside her because i want to protect her, to spend more time with her and all in all to be there when she needed someone. I want to send her to Hajj, take her to the mosque where she can learn the religion better there. I want to do that. But right now, i'm hopeless and time becomes my greatest fear and enemy. How could she says such a thing when her every word just like a dagger pierce into my heart. I wasn't been able to cry out this pain. She mention it so much that it hurt me. Tell me Daisy, how would i live if she were to return to The Almighty? I can't ask her back can't i? Then how am i suppose to live without her? My mom is my place to rest. I'm not strong enough Daisy. I'm not strong enough.