Forever Daisy

Dear Daisy,

I don't really know what i'm thinking right now. About what decision that i wish to share and wouldn't share. I don't know which one is better. Come to think of it, i have been thinking the same thing over and over again. But as usual i am a coward, still fears for the consequences and the regret that i would have to face each and every time i decide that one decision for a long time. I really don't know. From my point of view, the day that i started out blogging there's not much different in my life. I still answers the frequent question that pops into my head the same way like i had done back then. Call me a coward but i think i have enough regrets in my life. I lie when i said i had nothing to be regret of but as for now, i have so much that i want to do all over again, start all over again but the problem is, will i still be making the same mistake again? I don't know.

Daisy, i actually plan to live on my own for now. My dreams, is mostly about travelling to different places and look what is left out there for me. I am planning to leave my family behind and start thinking of myself. At first i thought running away would be a good idea and i even know where to head to and know how to deal with almost everything. I would face it head on. It was a perfect plan, the way i see it. Until i start thinking and be sane again. I cancelled everything and plan another good way without having to run away. I did the running part once. I was young and naive but still were thrown into the dungeons. That's why i decided to run. That was all in the past. The present, i still thought of it. But not running away. But moving out. Being away from my parents and my sister. Just going to new places and meeting new people. That is what i want to do. I have been thinking a lot about this. And probably due to this, i'm unable to have money within my hand because fearing that i would do exactly what i have been thinking. Just let time do everything for me, for now. I can only close my mind, heart, ears and eyes if i want to mend my own heart.

Well, i'll be going back to my sister's place this Saturday. My flight would be evening, i think. I can't remember. I don't know what i'm bringing back with me. Cause right now, i had a conflict between me and my mom. Probably due to my impatient nature and my health at that time. Up until today, i have not recovered fully. It's surprising to see me updating myself on this blog. But i just want a bit of space in my head and relieve it through here. As you know, i don't have anyone to turn into. So, this is what i'm capable of doing right now. Now that i'm mentioning my health here, it suddenly gets worse. I guess i'm off now. Until then, be my Daisy.