Friday, April 1, 2011

Letter to Daisy

Dear Daisy,

I was going to write and update you sooner but my mind is like a switch sometimes. I seldom forgot what i want to share in the middle of typing bits of my life down. Probably because i'm used to delete whatever it is that is unnecessary or keep it at certain place in my heart and locked it down fearing that it would easily slips of when i'm too obsessed or fall into the lust that i have hidden somewhere within me. Well, everyone must have one. Something that will overpowered them thinking that it's their strength but in fact that very own will bring them down if they keep holding onto it. Life is something where we learn to achieve and let go. Having imbalance and imperfection. That is the whole point. I realize that now. I kept thinking why nothing can ever be perfect. Now i get it. After so many trials and errors that i made, the blaming and the hurting, i've finally see the conclusion. But as usual, every answers that i found seems to be taking bits of everything. I'm fine with it now. Unless the 'antibiotics' that i took finally worn off than maybe i'll have to fight twice as hard while preparing for my next 'drug'. 
Tch, just because i nearly heal and cure from the fever, flu and coughing i'm starting to use the terms such as antibiotics as my metaphor. Seriously, wherever i go and write, i'm always reaching the things that are close to me. Simple minded me. I learn how to be simple minded now since i don't want to put tonnes of things that are unnecessary in my head then torment myself to the moment i can't eat or sleep. Then dwells over how lonely i am, staring the ceiling thinking about this and that. I am done with all of those. Now, i just want to think on things that are connected to my life. It gives a whole lot benefit in doing that. It seems this is what i get from my meditation.

I don't have anything else to do. When was the last time i put up my posts? I can't remember. Actually, my throat still threatening to hurt if i drink a little too much of cold drinks. I can't help it. It has been days since i last drink them. I've been drinking plain water for my every meal in hoping i'll recover fast enough and it seems i am recovering but a little bit slow this time. I had to take my medicine only at night because if i take the pills during day time who will take care of my nephews and feed them if i'll be spending my days asleep due to the modern medication nowadays. Most of it are warned to be drowsy. Mainly, that is the reason for my slow recovery. Well, maybe. 

I'm suppose to be on the bed during this hour. But i have my reasons to be online this time. Because i'm a VIP and a die hard fan over BIG BANG!!! They are the only reason i'm keeping my eyes open. They have just release their new songs for their special edition album. The song is called 'Stupid Liar'. Although it's only a 30 secs teaser but as a VIP, i am so, so, happy!!! It cheers me up and i've been replaying the teasers over and over again. Why i do that? Because it's BIG BANG and i believe in their music. That is why. I wish i could hear more but i have to be patience. Everything about BIG BANG is worth to wait for. Kyaaa!!! But then in real life i don't do the shouting 'kyaa' thing since i am not that type of person to show that to just anyone. Bwahahaha. Anyone who's reading this, please listen to BIG BANG's new song called 'Stupid Liar' at their own official Youtube, BIG BANG. You can hear all of their previous hits there too. I love them because of their uniqueness. Looks don't keep me waiting but their uniqueness is what's keeping me around. Go BIG BANG!!!

Okay, what else did i miss? Oh yeah. I was thinking to deactivate my Facebook account. Don't like opening it anymore and it bores me. One, maybe i'm not like my sister who knows how to socialize and open up to other people. While the second reasons is, i'm in the process of changing and no one can change overnight. It has been years since i try to brave and toughen up. I try to give a good impression to other people but the problem is my jokes becomes a sarcastic remarks to them. I realize i really don't know how to open up to other people. I guess for people like me, i need someone who can boost me to open my mouth freely on my own. And making me feel comfortable besides telling me that it's okay to do that. I wonder why i'm relying to other people to make me open my mouth. Sometimes i wish my sanity breaks for a while and make things easier for me. Cause usually when my head all gone wrong i sure do know how to make things wild. Ngiahahaha.

I better stop now. I'm making a lullaby out of this post. Until then Daisy.

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