Sunday, March 6, 2011

Letter to Daisy

Dear Daisy,

Updated my Cherish's blog. I always update it when i have the time. It seems my talent is lacking due to my limited edition vocabulary. I have the word in my head but i refuse to use it somehow. Ugh. Actually i've finished updating it ages ago but i was drawn to BIG BANG's song that i keep hearing and watching the MV along with their performance again and again. If you asked me if i got bored of it i'll have to say NO. It's Big Bang after all. There's no reason for me to get bored over it. I learn their choreography as well. Although i'm unable to follow every part but at least i manage to master my favourite part of all. The stomping and the hand thing. I just love dancing to that part. Singing it will be a problem though since i only can say a few bits of Korean. But if they sing in Japanese, i might have a chance since my Japanese are much better than Korean. Did i mention that i know few language? Other than my own language as well as English, i also know some other language. It's just that i didn't bother to talk about it. People would say i'm big headed and such. They bores me.

It's nearly 3 am. This kind of thing always happen. The beginning of everything. Due to the increasing burglary that happen around this area, i seem to have a problem sleeping early. Anything could happen. That's why i'm pretty scared of sleeping at night. When no men at home, instinctively i tend to stay awake all night and be a protector. Although i don't have black belts in karate or learn any martial arts, i don't know why i'm being the protector and such. Anyone else could have done so but then i really don't know why i'm doing this. Why i bother volunteering to stay up or sleep late just to make sure everything is fine. Humans nowadays, are much scarier than beast or even ghost itself. A family like mine has so many worries when it comes to this. Somehow it is nice to have men at home but then for me, i can only see them as a nuisance. Dear D, dear D,,,


The recent post that i put on Cherish really talks about the question that keep on playing in my head for a while. I know i said i want to be single and all but that bit of my dream seem so big that i always thought about it. It bothers me every now and then. I refuse to go back to my ex-boo although it would solve everything but i yearn for my heart to be belong to someone. I debated about this with my inner self over and over again. Everytime i'm alone like this or envying the people who have found their love and got married, i started to debate over whether to accept my ex-boo and be done with it. Then another part of me said that i don't love him and i'm still waiting for my mom's choice. I don't know why it matters and i don't know why i'm making things complicated either. Probably i saw what i saw and thought that it wouldn't work out even if i accept him again. There he told me that he still waits for me while i talk like it was all over and i don't really bother if he waits or not. Ugh. Seriously Daisy, i'm so confuse. So confuse that i want someone to help me and answer all this. But i want them to understand me first without suggesting me to accept him all the more. I guess i have made my decision but i just needed something else like assurance that is it okay for me to believe that i might found someone else who would fit for my heart. My heart would tell me so. Right now, i feel like a zombie. Dead inside.


I guess that is all i'm sharing for today. No, we didn't go out today. But i was hoping we would go out the next day. Our brother has promise us and besides we need food at home. No more food. Until then Daisy.

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