Letter to Daisy

Dear Daisy,

First, i would like to wish Happy Birthday to my friend. May she have a wonderful year and hopefully it will be a blast. I can't say more since i don't know what to say. Why? Probably i can't figure out what's next. I do have a blurry head.

Daisy, i'm sorry for not getting myself updated. Too many things happen and i have my hands full. Lack of sleep and the work is never done. I'll try to summarize what i've been doing for the last few days.

I did mention that my mom and my sis will be coming here and they are here. Haven't seen them for two months and we miss each other's accompany. Talk about many things. Having my mom around it doesn't mean that i can rest. Nope. That is not the whole point and i don't see it that way. It's for my mom to rest and i'll be doing the whole thing no matter what. I don't want to tire her out anymore. It's time she should rest and enjoy the rest of her life. It's time i'm taking her role but not as a mother or wife but just making myself useful and lessen their burden. I can do it. If there's a will then there's a way and trust me there ain't no highway or shortcut in life. Take it slow and stop rushing. Anyway, i am planning to make her rest. 

With the Umrah thing is getting close and in fact today, they'll be leaving for Umrah. So, things gone hectic. A lot of things happen. There's news about house break in recently and the news worries my sister a lot. I did say that she had an ugly experience before in this house break in thing. Did i mention about it or not? But she did encounter such experience and that's why she's traumatize. The recent news upset her and she keep on making sure that she got every detail of the break ins. She's worried leaving us here since it's only us. That's why she's worried. I realize the lack of men in our family seems to be our greatest enemy. Due to this, we always encounter where we hope that we have men beside my dad in our family. For example having a brother would be nice. But then fate has it's own way. We just have to deal with it. And so, the fear that my sister had lead to buying locks, armed and just everything. Human nowadays are much scarier than ghosts. It's rather heartbreaking. Money has become nothing but trouble. Lust, money... The world, the place, the home, i keep on asking where can i go to feel safe. Things become so scary. So scary. Scarier than haunted house. Shall we live there than?

Daisy, i'm listening Big Bang's new song. Finally it's out and as expected from Big Bang, their song can always captures me no matter what. Anyway, i'm listening to a sad song. Although the meaning of the song doesn't have to do with what i'm thinking right now but it's always great to hear it over and over again. I had a lot of things in my head. I wish i could share it with you but i seem to be having a hard time interpreting whats troubling me. I know it's about my future. Complicated. Damn complicated.

Daisy, here's the thing. Do you think i can open my heart again? Cause the more i refuse, the more i shut myself up, getting away from the love business, the more my heart become so...ermm..hard? Pfft. What i meant is, the more i don't bother if i marry or not since i pack myself and buried my dream with my plans. If i keep hoping when it is never there, why do i still try so hard to get it but in the end i was the one who will back away. Then blaming other people for hurting me when in fact i was the one who done all that. I don't know Daisy. Yes. i do want to get marry but the fear within me is scaring the hell out of me. I can't go on like this.

I'll be signing off now. I know i haven't update you with anything interesting but let's just hope one day i manage to say the unexpected. Until then Daisy.