Letter to Daisy

Dear Daisy,

Miss me for a day? I was tired. Too tired to update anything. If you're wondering what made me tired? Just scroll under.

Finally, i went to play basketball like i promise. Although it's not long but at least i manage and have fun with it. Not really fun. But at least finally, i was able to play. I had to cut down my fun cause i was keeping an eye on my nephews at the same time. A very satisfying moment but in such a short time. Quite sad. Then when my nephews start to throw tantrum, i brought them back home. Unexpectedly, my sister got back home early. So, she bring me and her sons along to go for a walk. Break out sweat. And so we walk for what seems like 30 minutes and go straight back home. I was too excited doing all that cause i felt so healthy but then when my sister call me for dinner, i was too tired to chew down my food. The dinner that was suppose to end like 15 minutes seems like an hour for me cause i had to chew slowly. The aftermath from all that excitement has finally led me to a goodnight sleep. Without fussing and turning and tossing, i was able to sleep like a baby. Which i'm not. But that was my greatest and calm night ever since i got here. I don't have any trouble of sleeping. Usually i had to coax myself with a song or just thinking until i'm all worn up and sleep. Doing the things i love are very refreshing.

Today? Nah, i didn't play there again. My nephews slept until nearly 6. And we got out of the house late. So, i can only bring them to the playground. But i was thinking this weekend. I want to go there alone so i don't have to worry about my nephew's safety and such. I am not being heartless but i just want to have a bit of my time. That is all. I'll play and start doing the things i love again. I'm reviving my old self. Right now, i'm strong enough and be able to unblock the challenge in front of me. That's a bluff. Not that strong but i'm just being prepared. 

As usual Daisy, whenever there's a good news, there's always bad one to follow. Still, it won't wither my will or my moment today. The bad new is, going to China thing, it will be cancelled. I knew it. I knew this would happen. I do feel bad and upset about it. I don't really want to talk about it because it reminds me of my past and their promises. I kind of sympathize myself which is why i don't really want to talk about it. I might be cool with it cause i keep my mouth shut after that. I learn that from the past. No matter how much i whine and throw a tantrum like my nephews does, it's just break my heart even more. As time pass by, i learn how to lessen my disappointment and my own pain. That's why i kept my mouth shut. When this stuff repeats itself, i kept thinking why everyone from my family gave a lot of promises toward me and just forget about it. Yet, they keep on saying that they have done nothing wrong and they didn't promise anything. I am not someone who easily forget about that kind of thing. I thought they needed time and so i gave them time. But now, i'm almost in my mid 20's. I don't know how many years will i have to wait and give. Tell me Daisy, what is promise to you? Can you forget it just like that? If you could, would you tell me how?

See, when i talk about this, i'll feel bad about myself. It seems like everyone is forgetting about me no matter how hard i try to make myself exist. If i asked them a couple of question about myself, i wonder if they can answer it correctly. I really wonder about that. If they do ask me about them, i can confidently give my every answer correctly. That is for sure. I may be invisible to them but they are always the one i look out for no matter where i go and how heartless i can get. 

Let's not talk about this anymore. Until then Daisy.