Letter to Daisy

Dear Daisy,

Happy birthday to you, 

Happy birthday to you,

Happy birthday dear mommy,

Happy birthday to you.....

Love, Your 4th Daughter.

Okey, that is so strange. Bwahahaha. But i did wish her happy birthday last night and early in the morning. Too bad i'm not there. If not, maybe i'll be celebrating with her. And too bad my paycheck is not out yet. But it can wait. I still have a long way to go. What i meant is, me, being here is and so on. I wonder if you get what i mean. If it doesn't make any sense probably i'm having a hard time to extract the true meaning of it from my head. It's a very complicated situation 'up there'. It move and process so many things at the same time while trying to focus whatever it is i'm trying to say. Geh. I really do wonder why i had the nerve to open a blog when i'm unable to say something or share something as simple as this. Blast it. Well, anyway. Since i wasn't there by my mom's side, i make a promise myself to get my mom a birthday present. Just something that i can afford. Although the present would be months too late, but at least i kept my words. I always do no matter how long it takes. But the promises that i make between me and my ex-boyfriend, i can never keep it. Cause either none bothers about it any longer or it has been terminate with hate or the mouth itself. But between friends or family, i will always keep it no matter how long it take. That is for sure. *shing. I'm trying to smile while showing my uneven teeth and the not attractive smile. Ugh.

I miss playing basketball. I miss dribbling the ball and shooting. I bet i've become terrible playing it. But i really miss playing it. I want to play it again. If only the basketball that i found in this house have enough air in it. Just like yesterday, i could only look from far. I brought my nephews to the playground every evening and they would play till their heart content while i watch the basketball that was nearby from far. This is heartbreaking for me. Last time i stopped playing basketball because i was concerned about what people would say about me. I didn't show all of me due to the anonymous letter that i receive. I stopped being the center of everything and the most heartbreaking, i said no to everything i love. Although i did join the basketball but i didn't show my everything because i always felt that someone would always try to find any mistake that i make and make a big deal of it. All in all, you could say my secondary school life was all about entering hell's door. I met the devil and they thought me about the cruelty of the hidden world. But since i am over that hell's door, i'm determine to start playing basketball again and be myself again. I want to show and be satisfied with everything i do. This is my promise. I'll overcome my shyness and fear and start acting all childish and such. I'm excited just thinking about this. I'm happy and thrill. :)

I wish i could talk more about this but let's just wait for my next post. I'm chatting with my sis right now. Until then Daisy