Sunday, January 30, 2011

Letter to Daisy

Dear Daisy,

When i do have a chance to ask a certain thing from my family, i'll only ask if they will allow me to go somewhere far and let me enjoy my happiness there. It is not that i'm not happy when my family are around me but i need a bit of privacy to clear of my head and think about some other things. Other things that have been pending for quite a while. That is why i wanted to make a nice long trip so that i can stop and stare at the place that captivates my attention and also my heart. I know, they won't allow me to go since i was planning to go alone but i don't have anyone else to bring with me at the moment. Although i did invite one or two of my friends but it seems they have other commitment also. That is why i make a decision to go alone. Since i'll be heading off alone, it won't be a hassle or burden if i bring others with me. But it would be nice to be taking my friends along with me in this trip. But then, they can't stay for long like i do. This is the reason why i prefer working all solo. And of course there's more to hold onto. There's a good and bad in being solo. Tough.
I am forever sighing. Not that i want to sigh a lot since it will lessen my happiness in the future (that's what people says) but somehow when i sigh, i'm letting go the things that i don't need in life. So you could say i'm relieving my forever worrisome matter. Or it could be i'm tired of getting angry. I did lots of that since taking care of my nephews really challenge me mentally and physically. That is for sure. Speaking of them, the end of weekend means the next day is all about work. I'm dreading the lack of sleep that i'll be getting tomorrow until Friday. Ugh. This is some sort of nightmare. All in all, being married is not always great. Since from what i'm seeing now, kills my every dream and hope. Probably the reason why i stopped 'him' talking about the love and past matter. It drives me nuts just by going through all that. The first year of marriage of course everything is perfect and like paradise. But after 5 or 10 years i wonder what they call it. That is why i'm trying my hardest avoiding that.

Again, i'm contradicting myself. I can't make up my mind. If i do see something beautiful about marriage, i'll say that being married is so magical. But if i keep on seeing the disadvantages about married life, i keep on saying let's just enjoy and be thankful because i'm still single. I can't help it Daisy. The effect that they brought upon me has become my reason for contradicting myself. I know i should be more firm about it but when it involve heart and emotion, i can't do neither. You just have to wait Daisy. If someone could me reassurance, promises and let me see what i longed to see then maybe that day will come where i will say yes in getting married.

I didn't do anything today beside sleeps. I'm hibernating. Since it rain from morning until now, so you could say i'm living in a dreamland most of the time. The only time i'm awake or half awake is when my tummy screaming for food. The-not-so-cool tummy. Not only me. The rest of the people in this house are 'quite' but not dead. I wonder when i'll be able to go out. Although i said i want to go here and there but my laziness overcomes my desire of going out. I'm in love with this 'prison'. Gah!!! Maybe when the mood strike, maybe i'll eventually say yes to going out and wake up early during weekend.

I don't have much to share for now Daisy. I guess i'll be off for now. Until then Daisy.

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