Sunday, January 9, 2011

Letter to Daisy

Dear Daisy,

I have some great moment in life. I wouldn't lie about it. Not everything about me is dull and miserable cause i am determined to grasp my own happiness. Although i have to fight everyone around me to grasp that very precious moment and such, i know i'll be able to fix things. Time give me everything that i need. And i gain patience from that. Life is not to be rushed. When there are things that i can't achieve and it is my time to 'leave' at least i won't regret a lot of things cause i know there has to be something more meaningful than the life that i lead now. Up until now, i think i never really did share anything that makes me happy. Probably i don't really want to tell people what makes me happy. I like to make it mysterious and the sad thing that i share is mostly because i want to avoid having to face the same thing over and over again. Or probably i just want to be strong and hopefully i'll find answer in this head of mine. It's how i handle my over thinking head. Weird but i believe not only me who handle this kind of thing this way. We haven't been found and gather together. Argh, my head. Some impossible thing creeps up into my head again. Giving a live image of everything that i want to see. I probably better off being a  producer or film maker. I wonder why i'm giving this unimportant thing. Blast it.
I've been reading my friend's blog and so on. And  i came upon to this blog. I love the song that she put there. I have it in MP3 but it's really nice to be knowing that she put it on her blog. I'm starting to miss the laptop that i used to use when i'm at home. I though i'll be missing people more than i miss song. I can't believe i'm missing the music that i always listen to. I miss watching the MV and such. I guess the reason i don't miss people that much because... I'm being cruel? Nah, i'm used being away from them so it doesn't make any different cause i know i'll be coming back few month later. Unless i'm going away for years then maybe i'll be missing my family and my friends. Sorry dear family and friends that i don't feel that i lost you yet. Wonder what that mean. Bug it.

Finally today i get to wake up late. I am not a morning person. I feel like going back to school cause back at school i always wait for weekends. So that i can wake up late and just being myself. It's hard to live a multiple life. Now why would i reveal that again? Well, i think it's easier to reveal what people can't see but although i reveal it they still can't see that i have multiple personality. It must be my head. There must be something wrong. Hell. I overdid repairing my own head.

Ooooh, Daisy, i think i become a wallflower in a ball. If there was a ball that i attend to. It reminds me of a friend of mine. We always talk about the novels that we read. Mostly historical romance. I can't beat her cause she read a lot more than me. She has enough resources that she need. Lucky her. While i have to earn money to get the novel that i wanted and even so, i still need my mom's permission to buy it. You must have thought that it is my money and i can use it for whatever i like without gaining anyone's permission. I could do that but for me, that money that i have, i consider it as my emergency money. It's a family thing. That is why i don't use it although there's so many thing that i want to buy. It surprise me how i could hold myself from any temptation. It takes a lot to deal with my own lust against the things that i wanted. Things that i've always wanted for a long time. Thankfully my brain seems to be helping me a lot. Cause it give me the list of negativity that i could think of to deal with the temptation around me. One reason that works up until now is when i always say that it's not worth the price. I aim for quality thats why it's easy for me to be holding back. I'm driving people nuts with my topics. I thought i want to talk about the topic that i share with a friend of mine but then my hand just type anything that goes in my head although it's all jumble up. This is insane.

Okay, i'm starting a new para so that i won't stray off again. The topic that me and a friend of mine always talk about mostly about her knight in shining armour while i talked about my warrior, Alec Kincaid. It's funny how we exchange the historical romance. Although i know the reality is not a pretty sight but i do believe there are this type of romance that no one really knew about. Life itself has been written inside a novel. Especially if one wants to know what it's like to fall in love. We talked about how we want to attend to masquerade party. It would be nice and be gone before midnight because that is when everyone in the party have to take off their mask. That is a dangerous thing. You see, this is how we see it. Since we are so used wearing a mask onto our face (an invisible one), we will wear a real mask and act normally without any worries that they will know us. We can act like ourselves and if we do meet the person we interested in, we will let it all out. Our talent in flirting. We are convince in that because it always work. But like i said we wear too many invisible mask so no one really knows. Thus if we use that charm of ours, believe me, I can make you fall for me and find me if you can. Then 5 minutes before midnight we will disappear and cherished everything that happen that night. Our imagination blend together and it makes a pretty nice story. Some of you might be wondering what will happen then. The next day. When you ask this type of question, we could only smile and answer this. Let fate do the whole thing. We have done our part and if the heart is a part of ours, then it will find its way here (while pointing to our chest.) Did i give a nice image in your head? Then smile for me. :)

Gosh, i really should be a writer. Wait, i am working on that. I just need the story that i've been working on. This will take me a long time though. Cool huh? Well, i have been blabbering a lot and paint some impossible image onto your head but i am happy. I wish people who are out there never give up grasping their own happiness. It doesn't matter if you have to fight for it (as long as you're not too greedy about it). Daisy, send my happiness to them on my behalf. And please pat the person next to you or hug them when they feel down. Tell them, "Happiness is not something that you own but it is something that worth fighting for to lessen the tears in your heart." I think it might work. I am not a great people who can say some nice thing but i know i can pray for them. Well, that's it. Until then Daisy.

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