I think i'm going to puke. Eat too much seafood and clearly, it's not good for me. But i'm getting tired of chicken and fish. Everyday its the same thing. I know i should be thankful, i am cause i still eat and finish it no matter what. And probably that is the reason why i keep on gaining weight. My head hurt eating too much seafood. Don't know why. Probably just overeating. I'm dizzy but i still want to share it with you Daisy. I got no one to share with if i'm hurt. I never told anyone in my family if it hurt or anything. They will make me uncomfortable if they do so. I told you, i'm used to them leaving me alone. If they have done 10 or 20 years earlier i wouldn't care. My memory seems to be getting out of hand lately. The last time i told them i don't feel good i end up dehydrating. Which happen during fasting month. They nagged me even when i'm in that state and make such a big fuss over it. I'm not used to it at all. It feels all weird. My mom do most of the nagging. I don't about my dad. No reaction at all. My other sister, they probably stay out of the way cause i sleep the whole time since i can't bear to open my eye without seeing the room spinning. I don't know. It only feels all weird getting my mom's attention like that. Gosh, my head hurt. Don't hassle over me Daisy. I'll be fine. My family still needs me so i have to toughen up no matter what. Daisy, i appreciate your wrinkle of worrisome but i'll be fine. I need to finish certain things before i tell Allah to take my life away. Joking. But it feels good thinking about death. Joking, again Daisy. I love my family the most and that is why i lead my life this path. I know Daisy. I could have done far greater than this but a family is not something that i can trade for.
Yup, you heard me. Family is not something that i can trade for. The reason i made all of this. I chose to stay beside them because i want to. Though sometimes it kills me, i still chose to stay. All this whining about wishing that i was elsewhere and so on, i could have done that. If i work hard for it, i could have done that. The place, the job and the money, i can get it using my head and my other charm. But i didn't do a thing because i want to be there for them. Even if i don't dare to drive at the moment but at least i'm able to hear their voice, their problems and their sighing. With me being here, at least i'm able to see what other have missed and why youth nowadays have gone further and further away. None would want to stay at home much longer just to hear their old folks sighing. They only think of themselves. They love the freedom and such but how many actually remember their old promise to their parent when they was just a little boy/girl? I really do wonder. I chose this road and although i can't handle the burden but i learn a lot. Which is probably the reason why i prefer the love back then. It was full of respect and full of love. That was all. Besides that, i learn to see from their point of view, think from their own thoughts and just being with them i don't want to do anything but just being together with them. Maybe my parent is a little different than yours or anyone else but i do believe they might be thinking the same thing as my parent. Maybe. I don't know but it doesn't hurt to spend a little longer to be close to our parent. Spend the time together. I'm thankful because Allah gave such a great gift in life. The warmth of family. This is another gift that i believe that can keep ourselves together. I'm glad i chose family over money. Now i feel like i can live without money. Although there is temptation but i think i can handle it.
I thought i would end this post immediately. I didn't expect that i would tell you about the reason why i'm chose to be jobless. Yes, i did whine here and there about my miserable and dull life but i never really did mention how beautiful it can get if your head can think like mine and if you're able to get used to any surroundings like me. I flattered myself too much. No wonder this puking never end. Anyway Daisy, lets just keep on hearing what i've got to say from now and then. I believe youth nowadays need to open their eyes a little bit bigger to see what they have left behind. I feel like i'm rewriting the Maher Zain lyric in this sentence of mine. Well at least i give you tits and tats about me. I'm not so mysterious at all. Just ordinary one with chubby face and plump body. No, i'm not ashamed of it anymore. I've overcome it. I think it positively. I'm thankful because i have this type of body, at least i won't be wearing tight jeans, skirts or small t-shirts. I'm trying to be a good Muslim. Now i'm thinking of wearing ........ I'll keep that a secret. I'm just thinking about it but haven't really decide on it. Until then Daisy.
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