Saturday, December 25, 2010

Letter to Daisy

Dear Daisy,

I'm healed. Bwahahahaha. Sorry. I shouldn't be laughing right now but i'm just glad that i manage to keep myself healthy today. After struggling with heat and cold yesterday and the day before, i finally healed. Which is probably the reason why i disappeared so suddenly from the world of high tech that i'm living whether i want to or not. The reason of me having fever and such well probably because it was raining hard in this so called land that i'm in and i was busy locking the gate to my house and get myself inside the car with wet shirt for a 30 or 45 minutes ride and with the air condition on. With a tired and weak body that i have that day, i had a feeling i will be getting myself either a cold or just some high fever. We had a dinner that day. It was Thursday and my sister (the one who's married already, second one) plan to bring us, the whole family to dinner somewhere in Matang. So we had to leave early and have our prayer at my sis's house then we'll be off to that place. Unfortunately, with the smashing wall and cleaning the aftermath has tired me out that day and i think it was my limit, i force myself to join them cause i want to spend my time with them at least once and it was all i ever dream off and so as we went out it was raining heavily with strong winds. The umbrella did nothing but bring more wet than dry. So as i try to cover my mom from getting wet (wondering why we have only one umbrella at home), i got my whole back wet. I was drenched from behind and although i did cover my mom, the umbrella is too small for us and there's problem with locking our stupid gate my mom got wet on her other side. Done with the locking, we got ourselves into the car and it was damn cold. No one seem to bother to switch off the air-cond although we moan about the cold. And so with an exhausting body, drenched and cold environment, who could survive in that situation? Dinner was great but the service is slow and very confusing. The food was okay though. I was hungry so i can't think if it is delicious or not. We spend an hour and half waiting for my sis's order to arrive. It was pretty annoying and thankfully i got my food early so i won't make a scene if i'm in the same position as them. But we were all pretty happy that day so nothing can ruin it. We were thankful our dad didn't comment much since he have his favourite food there. So it kind like coax his temper. Anyway, that is the reason i got myself such a high fever. I don't need a thermometer to measure my head and such, i know it's high cause i feel like i'm burning the mattress under me. As soon as i got back from the dinner, i change my clothe and cover myself up. Early in the morning i was moaning of the heat but still had blanket, comforter all over me. The next day i slept like the dead. Wake up late and feeling all refreshed. That is why i didn't post anything at all or reply anything. I need my body, my strength to be healthy and to feel like i was lucky for them. Yup, it was for them.

I know Daisy, you might want to blister my ear and such but i have my important people that are hoping and you know how i am, i'm unable to say no. After all, it was like a reward for me too so that is why i want it to worked out. There are two reason why i force myself to be healthy. Why i try so hard to get well and such. The first, of course and will always be because of my parents. They are relying on my strength and which is why i want to be there for them. Yes, i know there's always my other sisters and such but i can see how their hope were destroyed and hear their hearts breaking when they refuse and disregard them. So, how can i Daisy? That is why i can't get sick or show i am very sick. As long as i manage to stand on my own feet and lift stuff, then i'll be doing just that although i'm sick. But Daisy, you might think i'm in misery and so on but i'm not. Trust me, i'm not. I'm happy cause their happiness is my happiness and that tiny sacrifice of mine is just nothing. I'm just making myself that lucky daughter for them. So, i am happy Daisy and i do hope people don't see negatively. I whine and protest, it doesn't mean i'm not happy. The way i see it is different Daisy so don't misunderstood. You understand right? Did i get the message clearly now?

I did say i have two reasons of being healthy. The second is, i want to be with my friend. I promise my friend to meet her today so i try hard to be there. I'm glad i handle the fever well and eat my medicine although i still have a trouble with sleeping. So, we met. And i finally get to meet my other friend. It has been a while since i last met her. The last time we met, ermmmm,,, I can't remember when. I have problem with the past so yeah, i might erase what i shouldn't erase. No, that is not what i meant. She didn't give me a hard time or so but we were awkward from the day we met and introduce each other until today. So, meeting her today still have that awkward feeling and maybe i was nervous and so was she so we didn't really talk much. At the same time, she had to go somewhere and time really envy us. At least i manage to see her before i go. It was nice meeting her and a bit upset because we didn't get to hang out much longer. It was a bit sad isn't it? But the next time i'm here, i'll be treating you.(have to collect money by then) The friends that i meet today, i'm glad we manage to see each other. Next time, i promise it will a memorable one. When i met them, it will be a lie if i didn't think about my other friend. No matter how heartless i am, i still think of 'her'. Daisy, i can never be cruel can i? But i wouldn't want to mess with my temper either.

Daisy, got to go. Need to massage my mom. Take care now Daisy. It's raining and keep yourself warm. Until then Daisy.

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