I don't know what this blog would lead to. But all i know, my very motive to create this blog not only updates that i want to share with my friends but also a lesson that i want to give for those in need. That is all i think off. But somehow i don't know why i wasn't able to deliver the message really well. I guess it's the problem that i always face no matter where i go. I think i'm masking myself too well. And probably the reason why i'm unable to say the whole truth. I am telling the truth but not the whole story. Even in my own blog. My thoughts for all that is to leave people with 1001 question in their head but i guess the nature of people nowadays. They love making rumours instead of asking the real thing. I'm in awe but only for the first time. After a couple of times, i got tired of it and let them do all the talking instead. But i really didn't expect that i have to get this kind of treatment from my friend also. I'm flabbergasted and refuse to comment anymore than that.
Daisy, thanks for the strength that you give to me yesterday. I was able to do what i'm capable of doing yesterday. I realize why i was weak the other day. I had lack of sleep. And yesterday i sleep as much as i needed and wake up feeling pump up. I guess sleep is my energy booster. Well today, nothing much going on except for the incoming problem that i have to face due to my withdrawal from the trip plan. I didn't tell my mom about what happen and such. I only tell those who are involve in this matter. My family had nothing to do with whatever that's making me feel all jumbled up with freaking emotion. Life is just like elevator. That is what i come up with. Why i said that, let it be me who knows the reason of my own words.
Daisy, i wonder what will happen to me next year. There are things that i hope and wish for but there are also things that i didn't expect. I do wonder what will happen to me next year. Will it pass by just like the year before and this year also? I waited for nothing. Getting excited for nothing and hoping for nothing. I guess i've given up on them. Them, who i call friends. I'm tired. I guess i understand it now. I really do understand it now. This time around i'll keep myself quite and vanished just like that. This trip incident, although i am not mad but i'm unable to forget what happen that day. It has been a while. I might forgive them but i can never forget what happen. Just like last time. I wonder if my nights will be haunted by this kind of things again. If it does then i guess i'll just have to do what i always do.
It seems a lot of bickering happen. I'm tired of fighting and stating the fact when she refuse to understand. So i'm doing this in my own way. What do they really know about me. That is what i had in my head when i read the reply. I've been through all that also and yet they still want to make a comparison over those type of things. That is fair play if you would call it. I'm tired of reading what her replies are. The comparisons that she gives out somehow irritates me and there's a possibility things would get worse if i become stubborn and lash it all out again. And where does it end if i do that? This kind of things tires me out and i refuse to prolonged it any longer. I already gave out whatever solution that i had. It is up to her to decide what is the best. If you ask me what i think. Backing away doesn't mean that i don't have anything to say. I see to much of her and that is why i'm too tired of playing along. I called it that way and i don't care what everyone says. I have a mind of my own. The verdict of this? The reply that i send to her just now, probably the last reply that i will give. Although she talks a lot of other things but i don't want to bothered by that since i'm bored of it. So, i just give her my solution and it's up to her whether she wants to take it cause that is the best that i can do. If i want to be mean, i'll just leave without a word. But i only do this not for her sake. But for my other friend's sake. That is all to that. After this, i probably won't talk to her. It's my way of being happy. I don't bother about her anymore. It has been a while since i do this.
If my best friend (nakama) hear of this, i'll be dead. But she understand why i'm taking this move. At first she didn't understand and it nearly took us about a year to talk to each other again. It's funny cause we miss each other accompany. I'm talking about my best friend (nakama). She told me to fix this habit of mine and i told her it is the only way for me to express the whole thing. But she gave me the green light to tell her whatever i felt in my heart, if i was hurt by her and if i was angry by her. So, i did just that. Since that one year of hiatus among us, we talk comfortably and she accept me the way i am. I'm thankful for that. Nah, i'm not comparing my nakama with her. I'm just telling you about my nakama if she knew i'm doing this again. I know for sure she will kill me. She told me to fix it and i have failed her. Sorry, my nakama. Forgive me, this time. I need to do this cause i don't want to be hurt anymore. Everyone has it's own way. I accept people the way they are and respect them for that. But i do expect them to give me what i gave to them. That is all.
And so, it seems i'm already disheartened because of the comparison that she stated out. When i'm in this state i have a problem of coaxing my own heart and feeling to be normal again. So i had to stay away and stop talking to her. I don't know how long it will last cause i can't predict my own heart. Let's just see what happen. I talk too much right Daisy? I'm just letting you know about what happen. People can say whatever they want to say while reading this but it won't change who i am. Until then Daisy.
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