People ask too many things from me. They want me to be honest, i did that. They want me to tell them my problem, i did that also. Seriously, i must be getting tired of everything for saying yes to whatever they want. Yup, i seem to be tired right now. Now what will i talk about Daisy? They forbid me from talking about what i always did in the past. Now they just took notice of everything and question my very action. Satisfying other people can be tiring. I better disappear in thin air if this keeps coming.
Gosh, i'm really tired. Well, i've been cleaning the new part of the house. It is to be our new kitchen and i am excited about the new kitchen. It's thrilling. Finally a place for me to bake a cake and such. But i can only use it for few more days since i'll be gone and about from this house. I'm getting old. Why i said that? Probably the moment i look at my hand it was all wrinkle and everything. I get splinters stuck on my finger, my back hurts and even my leg hurts. I have to go all four just to brush away the dirt. After the washing, got to let it dry and wash again and then move all the things from the old kitchen to the new one since tomorrow they will be bashing the walls. It will be messy again and i'm glad i'm still here so that i could help my parents. I'm the 'man' in this house. I was suppose to be asleep at this hour since i have to wake up early tomorrow but i'm having a hard time sleeping cause i'm too tired. Overworked. It always happen if i work too much and too hard. I can't count sheep since i have a problem of keeping up the numbers and have to restart all over again. Besides it made me think too much so i don't understand the idea of counting sheep work in the process of sleeping. In the end, i keep to my own pace.
And this is my pace. I write and just keep on writing. A lonely girl who dreams too much and hope a lot. Tch, i can't believe this. I was suppose to be angry since i got a reply from my friend. I was expecting her reply and such and i know it is to be a bad one but someone my mood just keeps getting better. I guess i'm too tired to feel angry or anything. Or have i just put another mask on myself. As expected we finally get a heart to heart kind of talk. I worry too much about hurting people and trying to be a hero for them and such. But i tend to forget that they need to see the real thing and so i did what she ask. A complicated explanation. Dealing with me is never simple. First, i keep on straying away from the topic and getting to emotional while bringing up the past which is a forbidden thing. Then i have a limited edition of vocabulary either in Bahasa Malaysia or in English, it's the same. After that, i have a problem of keeping myself straight to the point. And lastly i write a long,long,long explanation. Who can deal with that? I bet she even finish reading it she'll notice i write the same point over and over again. Or she might not understand it. I do have a problem in this kind of stuff. If i talk, i will tell thousands of lie and be damn good actress to the point no one can trace. If i write especially to that person, i make people go nuts with my explanation. So, that is why i always use a third person thing. Somehow it's easy for me. I read novels too much. Don't know what does that got to do with this.
Am i angry now? Nah, my anger doesn't last no matter what. Although she did reply and said some hurtful thing but i'm used too it and always deal with it anyway. Like i said, my anger doesn't last long. The funny thing is when she reply the message i was relieved. At least she is still the same person that i know when i do tend to bottle things up and not saying anything to her until it finally burst. I was relieve because somehow i remember that part of her and finally see that old side of her. And i'm glad cause she finally ask. So much for attention. I guess i do stomp my feet when i wanted attention. How, interesting. Hehehe. I forgot what i want to say just now. Darn it. My short term memory seems to be attacking. We were both hurt but at least she has a place to turn to. I'm just a beggar. Anyway with her reply and of course i did reply back. Stating out my whatever it is that she ask, i told her everything. Either she takes it, it is not my business anymore cause that is what she want. If she wants to stand her reasons and such, i guess thing will get nasty if i don't give in right? What should i do Daisy? But you know me enough right? Of course i will be doing just that. Hehehe.
Forget about that. I already explain and repeat whatever it is and such. Guess what Daisy, unfortunately my family cancel the barbecue plan. So much for the not going and the canceling. I knew this would happen. I knew if i chose the barbecue this would happen. I know my family too much especially the one who's planning it so my mood just keeps getting better and better. The trip is cancel and now the barbecue is cancel, now i have to deal with the consequences. Such as dealing what i said just now and then leaving the happiest memory before i leave my home and my room. Especially for my mother. I don't want her to get all worried and tired when i'm not here. That is why i pray to Allah Almighty to protect my family while i'm not here. What am i? A hero again? Nah, just a devoted daughter. I would love to be that. But my past can't change anything and i'm really scared if they do found out about it. But i know what to do if the most fear thing does happen. I got it all figure out when i need my brain. So, i got few more days to go. I wonder if i'll be able to update you with anything from me Daisy. But anyhow, i'm planning to meet my friends no matter what before i leave and keep my family happy at the same time. I could do that. It took a lot of my own to do so. These two are important for me. Since i don't have a husband nor plan to do anything about it so that kind of thing doesn't really matter and not important at all. That is what i think for now. Lend me your strength Daisy. But i know you'll be here no matter what.
Another short term memory attack. If i do remember what i wanted to say, maybe i'll get back at you again. Or maybe not. I'm always like that. Oh yeah. This is what i want to say just now. Daisy, i kind like make a promise to my mom. I told her yesterday that i will always be here when she needed me. I told her that, bluntly. But i meant what i said. Besides that, i also told her that i will take care of them and won't think of marrying if the situation is not improving. I kind of told her that. But i'm keeping my word Daisy. But if Allah plans the other way for me, i don't have the answer for that right now. So, can i answer it the next time. If i do know the answer of it myself. I guess that's it i'm giving out now. It's time for me to sleep and hopefully i'll wake up early tomorrow or i mean today. Until then Daisy. I love you Daisy.*wink
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