Letter to Daisy

Dear Daisy,

I think i exhausted myself over the changes that i made to my own blog after for so long. No, not this blog. The other blog that i have. I deleted my third blog cause i don't feel like sharing my impossible thoughts with everyone. Stingy right? But do i look like i care? Even the whole world needs to be stingy at something. Now that is a big fat lie. I guess. And then i also decided to add a bit in this blog but it seems not to work out so i deleted it. I don't intend to add song and whatsoever but just adding another page and it didn't work out. Even my sister don't know what is the problem. Nah, i don't know well about this whole blogging thing. I ask my sister if something does occur. I'm just not interested in knowing or understanding. I have my reasons of course. I told you, i'm a fast learner. Not that i want to boast about it but i am a fast learner. Care to know why i said that? Well...

Probably because if i put my head onto it i can learn it quickly. I am not praising myself like i always did. This time i am totally serious. I can learn whatever my sister teach me and such but if i learn everything and know everything, i can't bother her with it anymore. That is mainly the reason why i don't want to act all smart and such. I hardly have any conversation with her for the past few years so i made up a plan. Since i saw her loving all the technology thing i stopped on learning new stuff on the internet or new software. I stopped it all just so i can ask her to teach me and then forgot about it the next day and ask her to teach me again. Over and over again. I tend to use my head once in a while. I want us to be close no matter what. But it have to work on the both parties. If one doesn't want to be included in this bond, then i won't use it. Like my other sister is doing to me. I'm fine with that. Like i always said. I always said i'm fine no matter what. Well, maybe i might be fine with all that. I can't force anyone even my sister to see what i'm seeing and understand what is more important. Each have their own life. 

Guess what Daisy, ask me again if i want to marry. 

Daisy : Will you marry me?

D : Hell, no way.

Yup that is my answer. I think i found my reason not to, again. I think it's finalize. My friend just surprise me again with her words and it made me think why my relationship all end up in failure and why i keep on looking at other guys even when i have a boyfriend. Not that i cheated on them but my eyes seem to be looking elsewhere and not looking at them. I don't like that bit at all. That is why i decided not to marry unless i found 'the warrior' himself. Then i'll think about marrying. But now, i don't feel like it at all. I don't want to hurt anybody and i don't want to get myself hurt also. I'll get hurt if i force myself too much and end up falling in love also but my eyes are still searching elsewhere. So, i never really like that part of me. I borrow my friend's word again not going to get married unless found 'the one'. Yes, i would marry you Daisy but i just haven't found you yet. I'm not being choosy but what i see around me is not a pretty sight. So. i don't want it to be ruin. I want to protect it if i can.

Yup. I told you another part of me. Bits of every puzzle. But then Daisy, all people are like me. They gone through the same thing but it is just a matter of time and how they handle it. But all in all, they still come to one conclusion no matter what. I think so. Just for the tits and tats. Anyway Daisy, i'm watching anime right now. So, until then. I'll tell you more about this anime after i finish watching it of course. Until then.