Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Letter to Daisy

Dear Daisy,

I'm frowning again. I need to stop this. Whenever something bad happen or problem occurs i always frown to the point that my head hurt. I know i said i can solve any problem and so on but how can i solve a problem that goes between my mom and dad. No matter how hard i tried it will turn to me no matter what. Even if i don't do a thing my mom will vent out her anger towards me. Yes, i'm feeling so stress out to the point i feel like making some impossible decision. A selfish one. The situation itself force me to turn into someone. Yes, i am blaming the environment, the tense atmosphere in this particular house. I don't care if others feel the same thing like i did and they handle it quite well. I don't care anymore. I really don't know what else i can do Daisy. I don't know how long i will last and i don't know if i'm able to control my unstable emotional state. I really don't know. If i do burst out, could you tell my parents not to worry about me. I had enough. I'm hurt and i know they're hurt but i want them to think why i can't take it anymore. If they do decided to think negatively, i can't do anything. Other teenage would go out and meet their friends and enjoy here and there. Go to study or have their own work. While me, i sit at home, close to them feeling alone and mostly empty. I'm too tired to handle all of this. I feel like i can get nose bleed from the pressure that i put my head into now. Don't know how the brain works so i just say whatever i want to say for now.

I am planning to go somewhere and no, i won't tell you anything about the place. Could be an island, deep forest, someone's house or just anywhere. And yes, i'm saving my money for that. Next year you might not hear a thing from me. I'm too tired. My mom is not the only one who needed a vacation. I need it as much as she does. I shouldn't have complained but i'm not perfect to begin with. I have my needs and i really need to get away for a very long time. I wonder if i go, will i want to come back. My place don't belong here to begin with. It feels so strange and i don't know if i want to come back. Will i Daisy? Just like you Daisy, i belong to the wild. Until then Daisy

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