Monday, November 29, 2010

Letter to Daisy

Dear Daisy,

Sometimes, i feel like punching myself or strangle myself to death for my own behaviour or my traits or my own discipline. Even better from my 'self idiot'. Yes, i keep on repeating the same thing. Probably because the terms seem to be suitable at the moment. Too suitable to be true. The reason why i'm itching to punch myself or strangle myself to death because i can't contain my anger longer than i hope. The moment i trash out my sister in my blog bits and bits just flew away. After i'm done with all the cursing and whatsoever my anger all gone. And i didn't even say a thing to her or them. For goodness sake. I wonder. Did i really forget about getting angry? Probably because i don't find getting angry is a ritual in my life to the point i forgot that i should keep my anger a little bit longer so i can teach her a lesson. Or did i just put another plan in my head and my anger just died away. I think i did just that. Cause i was thinking of traveling around somewhere and leave them along with the dirty house. I'm bringing my parent with me or probably just my mom so my dad can guard her. I know her weak point and i'm going to use it if she dare to do one more thing with me. I won't leave my mom  behind because she thought she's way too good to listen to my mom and she stepped all over her without thinking anything. Baka. That's why i'm leaving my dad behind. That's what i had in my head. When it comes to planning i can easily create one. My head fill with so many tools that i need. This is much more fun than getting angry. So, probably that is the reason i forgot that i'm mad at her.

I know one thing for sure. I'll get extremely mad if i'm way too hungry and people say the wrong things at the wrong time. When the boot fits i don't mind. But when it doesn't fit, bugged off. Don't tempt me. This time i won't be making plan. I'll just be a cannibal and eat you alive. 

Hey Daisy, your shoulder is very comfortable. That sounds funny. You might be thinking that i have something in my head when i start praising your shoulder of all the body parts. No, i'm not thinking anything. Well, before i was thinking of something when i realize i'm trying to win this using my dangerous way. Thank goodness i manage to warn you when i say it out loud. Here goes another side of me. I feel like talking to you and me, being the talkative person. In real life, i hardly even say a word. Except when there are things that interest me. But then when i see other people's reaction, i feel like kicking them in the face. Who wouldn't? You're happily talking while the other person weren't even paying attention at all. Feel like talking to a wall. How did i end up talking about this Daisy?

Don't mind me. Daisy, if i do find you one day will you fall for me or shall i make you fall for me? Of course i have to struggle a lot since i don't have the face or the body. But, one day i know you'll fall for me. I wonder if i should make a move when i've been rejected a couple of times. Yes, i am embarrassed about it but the guy is too oblivious with the situation. I know i should have wait for the guy to confess just like old times. The problem is i just don't want to regret anything. If i get rejected it's fine. Then i'll move on. I confess before my feelings bloom. So, if i do get rejected at least i can kill it. I'm a freak and i'm aware of that. I lied. Yes, i lied. I only confess with the same person, my ex over and over again. Sometimes he give me hope and then give me poison after that. Now that i've decided to let him go and kill all the blooming flowers in my heart so that i can move on. When i decided to move on, i found him. But he didn't took notice of me. I shouldn't have give my hope. I'm not going to confess this time. I'm just going to let it go. If he do return my feelings then maybe i'll be the happiest person on earth. Cause finally i found you. Of course i have my time limit. The limit is before my mom finds me someone else. 
I wonder why did i talk about that. Well, it's not like my biggest secret or anything. And no one really knows who is he. I'm not going to tell. Especially not you Daisy. You're my Daisy so i don't need to say a thing when you can hear my very hidden secret. It's a puzzle for you to solve Daisy. I love you Daisy. Until then.

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