Dear Daisy,
Yup, i fix my sleeping habit and which probably the reason why i didn't update anything in the middle of the night. But then i overslept. Slept like the dead in order to fix my sleeping time and then got myself miserable the next day. A tough thing to do. I forgot that my mood usually mess up when i try to fix my sleeping habit. Since i'm too fond of sleeping i could become a devil for shouting my name. I could frown almost for the whole day unless i vent my frustration onto something else. I end up singing and dancing which i haven't done for a while. I miss those moments. My mom end up scolding me for being noisy and such but i never bother to take note cause i know she didn't really care. I think she just want me to be a bit of a lady like thing which she fail big time. I don't even know why it fail. Probably because i prefer jeans and t-shirt the whole time. And most of the time because i think it can cover up my imperfection. If you're not a S-line person don't bother wearing what you think it's nice on other people. You're just wasting a whole lot of money. Then there goes with the t-shirt problem nowadays. I don't know why but it doesn't look like it used to look ages ago. Now i have to change to something that is quite dull and unfashionable. I don't really like to stand out when i go out. But it still lead to another problem. I wouldn't get any guy at all. Urgh.. But never mind the guys, i think i embarrass my friend if i went out with them. They look so fashionable and of course pretty but i look like i'm wearing a rag. I know i shouldn't have care but i can't help it. If i said i don't mind i'm being a pretender, a hypocrite which make life rather complicated. Come to think of it, why does my sleeping habit got to do with t-shirt and being fashionable? I wonder where did my thoughts lead me too. Cut the crap.
Now why did i talk about that. Probably because i start talking about my mom wishing me to be a little ladylike. Mom, please don't make me wear all that. I think i'm comfortable hiding something that i found imperfection. Okay, please stop me from talking about all that. I'm hungry. No, i don't think i want to eat pizza for the moment but then i promise a friend of mine to treat her pizza. Maybe we'll get together before end of the year. I want to hang out with her. I won't put high hope on it (liar) well maybe just a bit higher than usual. I really want to see her again. Probably because she opens her heart trying to understand the new me. Maybe she notice i change a hell lot than other people thought. Other people keep on saying they understand me and so on but i really wonder what the heck they understand. I really do wonder. I know what they don't understand a thing cause i can feel it. If not, they will react differently than just saying 'yes, i understand and bla, bla, bla.' I see a lot of people do that and i appreciate it but please be more sincere about it so i don't feel a thing or two. I got myself straying from another topic to another again right? I think this is how my brain works. No wonder we actually do need a two way conversation. Well, obviously i need it. Probably to keep me stay on a certain topic. Which i wonder did other people ever succeed in doing so. I never really thought of that cause all i remember i always force people to finish what they started but i don't know if other people manage to do that to me. I can't remember. Maybe they never manage it cause i remember i would feel distress and force people to stop asking unless i do want to talk about it. Whatever power that i hold onto, i seems to overpowered most of the people i know. How interesting. Okay, Daisy please stop me again.
I thought of talking about the moon that i saw. I woke up and i can feel it shun upon me. The curtain can't even cover the bright moon from my eye. The dark room suddenly feels brighter. It's lovely. Allah's creation. I would like to see more of the nature and less of a building. I'm satisfied if i could have just that one time or one moment to be able to sit down and go there. 'There', it sounds too public but i want to keep it my secret and bring someone who really appreciate what i see without spoiling my solitary moment. That is all i ever wanted. Not the shining jewelry or the coolest car but just a place where my heart yearn for. That is all.
This is quite a long post. Well all my post are long. Some probably doze off in my first intro. Wouldn't be bother about it. That is up to them. Daisy, you do remember i told you i need to get myself a boyfriend fast and so on right? I notice i'm still not doing anything at all. I wonder why. Although i met someone online or when i went out i barely notice them. Is it something wrong with my eye or did i really care about having a boyfriend at all? I remember wanting a husband but a boyfriend? Nah, i never thought of that. Then should i change my search? Finding a husband? Now that is rather funny. The me who barely notice there's a man in the house and on the streets. I wonder how did i treat men? Is it the same when i treat my girl friends? No wonder my mom thought that i'm a lesbian. Why? Probably because when my handphone do ring it's always when i'm talking to my girl-friends or exchanging text with them. Come on. Mom, men are not interested in me. Not me. And why did i blame them when i scarcely notice them. Okay, thats it. I'm out Daisy before i turn my post into a famous lullaby. Until then Daisy.
Now why did i talk about that. Probably because i start talking about my mom wishing me to be a little ladylike. Mom, please don't make me wear all that. I think i'm comfortable hiding something that i found imperfection. Okay, please stop me from talking about all that. I'm hungry. No, i don't think i want to eat pizza for the moment but then i promise a friend of mine to treat her pizza. Maybe we'll get together before end of the year. I want to hang out with her. I won't put high hope on it (liar) well maybe just a bit higher than usual. I really want to see her again. Probably because she opens her heart trying to understand the new me. Maybe she notice i change a hell lot than other people thought. Other people keep on saying they understand me and so on but i really wonder what the heck they understand. I really do wonder. I know what they don't understand a thing cause i can feel it. If not, they will react differently than just saying 'yes, i understand and bla, bla, bla.' I see a lot of people do that and i appreciate it but please be more sincere about it so i don't feel a thing or two. I got myself straying from another topic to another again right? I think this is how my brain works. No wonder we actually do need a two way conversation. Well, obviously i need it. Probably to keep me stay on a certain topic. Which i wonder did other people ever succeed in doing so. I never really thought of that cause all i remember i always force people to finish what they started but i don't know if other people manage to do that to me. I can't remember. Maybe they never manage it cause i remember i would feel distress and force people to stop asking unless i do want to talk about it. Whatever power that i hold onto, i seems to overpowered most of the people i know. How interesting. Okay, Daisy please stop me again.
I thought of talking about the moon that i saw. I woke up and i can feel it shun upon me. The curtain can't even cover the bright moon from my eye. The dark room suddenly feels brighter. It's lovely. Allah's creation. I would like to see more of the nature and less of a building. I'm satisfied if i could have just that one time or one moment to be able to sit down and go there. 'There', it sounds too public but i want to keep it my secret and bring someone who really appreciate what i see without spoiling my solitary moment. That is all i ever wanted. Not the shining jewelry or the coolest car but just a place where my heart yearn for. That is all.
This is quite a long post. Well all my post are long. Some probably doze off in my first intro. Wouldn't be bother about it. That is up to them. Daisy, you do remember i told you i need to get myself a boyfriend fast and so on right? I notice i'm still not doing anything at all. I wonder why. Although i met someone online or when i went out i barely notice them. Is it something wrong with my eye or did i really care about having a boyfriend at all? I remember wanting a husband but a boyfriend? Nah, i never thought of that. Then should i change my search? Finding a husband? Now that is rather funny. The me who barely notice there's a man in the house and on the streets. I wonder how did i treat men? Is it the same when i treat my girl friends? No wonder my mom thought that i'm a lesbian. Why? Probably because when my handphone do ring it's always when i'm talking to my girl-friends or exchanging text with them. Come on. Mom, men are not interested in me. Not me. And why did i blame them when i scarcely notice them. Okay, thats it. I'm out Daisy before i turn my post into a famous lullaby. Until then Daisy.
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