Sunday, November 14, 2010

Letter to Daisy

To Eisya, i'm always trying to be strong and i know you guys are there for me but i realize you guys also have your own commitment. Don't worry. I'll manage, somehow.

Dear Daisy,

It seems there are always couple of things that i tend to forget whenever i'm happy. And i meant like crazily insane happy. I realize one thing and had to praise the honesty of some who use Facebook status seriously for it lets me know what exactly happen to a friend of mine that i met in Taiwan. I'm thankful for that. A couple of days ago, i read her status and she says that they got into accident. Car accident. I didn't know that. While i was being happy over here i realize i shouldn't have boast so much about my happiness. Thankfully she survive and in fact her mother and her brother survive as well. I didn't know what to say to her and this is my weakness among all. It is not that i don't care but at times like this i really don't know what to do and the my brain is not functioning. Despite she survive and all, her mother suffer a serious damage. If i'm not mistaken her mother suffers broken spine or something. I, at this time, i really do feel useless as a friend and i envy her other friend manage to say something that she really need the most. They manage to show their support and so on while i could only do one thing and one thing only. I could only pray for her. Pray so she'll become stronger and face it. Pray that her mother is back to the way she was before. Pray that she will always be strong. That is the only thing i can do for her right now. I feel so useless. Although i didn't talk to her much ever since we met again on Facebook but my thoughts are always with her even though i don't say anything. I'm not a cold person. No matter what happens to someone that i call friend, i won't ditch them or anything. It's just that i'm unable to express what are my thoughts and unable to do anything that's beyond my limit. Foolish me. "Nana, be strong. Be strong. I will keep on telling you this and i will always pray for you. My thoughts are with you."
Gosh, i'm such a fool. I wonder why didn't i write it on her wall post. This is just me. Unable to show it but only on this blog.

I don't feel really well today. I knew things like this would happen somehow. But i think i'll manage. I think my gastric is giving me the warning bell again. I miss my breakfast and my lunch yesterday and also today. But i did eat my dinner. It's just that it has been a couple of days i didn't eat rice. Not that i'm on a diet (i forbid to diet) but i lost my appetite. I don't know why. No, i'm not depressed. I just don't feel like eating. Besides that, my sleeping habit has gone completely wrong. Completely disorganized. I'm trying to make it normal again but it seems it takes longer than i expected. I wake up in the middle of the night and stares at my dark room unable to sleep again. Then i turn on the laptop and just do whatever i want to do since i can't bear of staring the room doing nothing. I'm not someone who would just stay put to begin with. Bear with me Daisy. I know i keep on surprising you with my sudden missing and whatsoever but i really need your strength. Now i don't know what the heck i'm talking about. 

Daisy, lend me your shoulders. There are a lot of things in my head but i just can't seem to say it out. I'm tongue tied. Can you read my thoughts Daisy? I know it is quite impossible but won't it be nice to meet someone like you? Until then Daisy

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