Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Letter to Daisy

Dear Daisy,

It's cold in my room. Finally the aircond is in my room. Oh yeah... But i'm worried if i'll be able to sleep tonight since it's sooooooooooo cold. I know i can turn it off but then i'm too lazy to do so. I'm known for my laziness but seriously, i just realize how lazy i am. Lazy as a sloth. Whatever. I know i'll change my lazy attitude since i notice it already. 

I'm not going to talk more about my laziness. It's an embarrassment. Not something that i should be proud of but oddly, i feel proud about it. Freaky me. I better turn off the aircond since i have an early symptom of getting flu. Don't bother. I'm done switching off the aircond but it's still cold since i turn on the fan. I can't believe myself. Again, why i'm talking about this. What a bother.

Anyway, i'm a bit stress right now. Why is it i always get the bashing from my mother when it is not even my fault.(no wonder i did the same thing, i took this from my mother.) It is hard enough to mend my own heart while keeping my parent happy all the time. It hurts when she bash it upon me cause she'll say some hurtful stuff and ends all my hope and chances just like that. But then my reaction is quite unbelievable also. I don't know why i acted like a dumb person who just smile widely but at the same time i could feel my tears nearly fall. It has been days i keep on taking it. Although i know it is not my fault but she just keep on saying something so hurtful to the point i feel like going somewhere so far away. No matter how hard i try to make her see, i guess she preferred it from my sisters. I'm just not smart enough. This whole thing can kills me everytime i have to fake a smile or put on my mask. I just don't know what to do. In the end people will blame me,im the bad daughter, the evil sister, the ugly one, the fat one last but not least the not smart one. Wonder where in the world i heard this? Probably because i keep on hearing the same thing that people said to me. What exactly do they want me to do? Am i going to run away again like i did years ago? I just don't know anymore. I just want to sit in the very corner, in a secluded place and just cry my heart out. I know my mom's hurt by my sister but i'm hurt by everyone. So dear Daisy, tell me exactly what to do? Should i go away or just leave for a couple of years? Didn't have much choice right? Until then Daisy.

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