Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Letter to Daisy

Dear Daisy,

It's raining today and of course with thunder and lightning. I'm still sad for what happen but i'm standing strong and try to fight everything all by myself. If i can't seem to take it much longer maybe i'll ought to cry for a few minutes and so and stand up again to fight the very same battle. It is hard. I never deny the harshness of everything that's happening but at least i know i'm alive because of that. Regret?? Yes, i do have regret. The only thing that i regret is making a very big sin by making a wrong decision. Still, it doesn't mean that i want to turn back the time. All i know it's in the past and i'm thankful to Allah for giving me the opportunity to face the challenge and lead me all the way to the very road that i long forgotten.

Even so, i'm still in the process of heading towards the road and i still need a lot of help to bring me to where i was supposed to be. Maybe some won't understand what i meant. I'm talking about my religion. I never truly fulfill my responsibility as a true Muslim and now i'm trying my hardest to stay on the road that leads to all the peacefulness and be a responsible Muslim from now on. Eventhough i'm alone in this very Earth but i know Allah will always keep an eye at me. This challenge that i face,the bitter truth that i receive is all about a reminder for me. Now, i'm trying my hardest to be a good Muslim and i hope a better one. 

I'm fine now. There are times where i feel like i want to cry but i got to keep on moving. Anyway, there's another thing that i want to talk about beside all this. I just saw a documentary about a family who lives inside a bus. Well, it's not that they don't have a house but it's only because they chose an adventure and get away from the city. So they have been travelling everywhere to discover new places and enjoy the nature. After i watched that, i have another crazy idea about how i want to live my life. I want to live like that. A house is only a bus stop for me and where i go after that will determine what will happen to me next. I guess i really should do just that since no one bother about me. I love adventure and i hope i can deal with this. Right now, i'm trying to come up with a plan. It will be fun. Believe me.

Today i receive a message from my mom asking why i didn't send her any message and call her for a couple of days. I briefly answer 'Just checking if someone miss me or not. Just kidding' (but of course i meant every word that i said but i don't show my affection towards my family). Then my mom reply ; 'M....(my sister) said she just remember that she have another sister in KL.' After that i gave a simple message but i meant every word that i said although they think it's a joke. I told my mom; 'In that case maybe i should go further away since no one remember me and will only come back if someone remember me'. Yes, i did mean every word i said. Maybe you might say i'm sulking and so on. I don't care. I am sulking and i am hurt which is why i said that and it will come true but i'm just waiting for the right time. I'm serious if i'm hurt and i always give warning before i do something. I gave up my bad habit and start telling the truth. It's up to them whether they want to take it seriously or not. I'm fine with all that.

Daisy, is it a big thing to ask for love and attention from my own family? I've always wonder that until to the point i don't know what to ask without earning something back. I always wonder that and now, i think it's time for me to forget about love and all. Until then Daisy.

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