Monday, January 18, 2010

Letter to Daisy

Dear Daisy,

It's been a while i didn't write to you. Not that i don't want to but there seems to be problem with the internet line. For your info, the place that i'm living right now does not have 'streamyx'. It's quite annoying since it restrain all my previous activities. Now i can't even read my favourite manga or even watch my drama. Not really mine but i just love to claim it is. I have reactivate my Facebook again but i don't seem to excited to update about the things nor explain to my friends about anything. I'm sure they don't bother about it anyone. Everyone has their own life. Anyway, you're the only one that i love to share with. Though i'm here now, i don't know how long i'll be able to write to you again but i'll try my best to tell you what happen while i was away.

It was raining for the past few days. Sometimes it rains heavily and other times it was just slightly rain. There's one time where our area was flooded. All because of the drain thing. It seems like whenever it rains heavily our area will become flooded since the drainage system doesn't help very well. I hope you understand what i meant cause i can't really explain in detailed. Too complicated and i'm too lazy to elaborate some more. Anyway, besides all the flooding thing, my sister (the one who got married and have 2 sons now) and my grandparents stayed over at our house. It's been a while our house finally become chaotic. I met with my nieces also. Tonight, they will heading to KL and i'm sure going to miss my nieces. I hope they don't miss me otherwise things will be tough. They are still small and i don't care if they forgotten about me. It's for their sake. I'm not going to shed tears when they're gone but i know i will miss them dearly especially the little one since he is so attached to me. I know i'll meet him again and i hope this time he will remember me. I'm getting all teary talking about this goodbye thing.  My friends haven't visited me yet since they all have their reasons. I don't mind anyway since i'm too lazy to go out and i don't even have the money from all the hard work that i've done. Not from my sister and not even from my parents. I guess they didn't even bother to ask what i want cause they thought they understand. Painful as it can be, i just hope one day they will listen or will i see things differently after this.

Daisy, i don't know how long i can take all the pain and keep on smiling. I'm scared that i'll run away when it feels like the walls that i put around my fragile heart are about to collapsed. I'm scared i'll do terrible thing. I'm scared i will become a monster. A lot of painful thing that happen actually but i don't want to tell you about it since i try to forget about it myself but i don't how long i can do that. Each day, i pray not to lose hope and told myself to be strong but it's hurting. I'm scared Daisy. I don't know how to call out for help any longer since i don't have anyone to rely on. No one. It really is painful and i'm scared that one day i'll run away and bring shame to this family. It will kill my parent for sure and i don't want that to happen. It's too painful.... Help me Daisy. Help me... Until then.

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