Forever Daisy

Dear Daisy,

It is quite impossible for me to write a short post. It's unlike me to do that kind of thing. Even when i write an essay during exam, i do have the habit of straying off the topic given. So much for the unplanned and planned. 

I'm actually feeling all kind of sorts. I don't know where to turn to nor to talk to. I just don't have anyone by my side. If you're thinking of family, well they're the reason why i'm feeling all sorts of thing. You can say i'm disappointed, heartbroken, frustrated, headache and just all sorts of negativity that i could think of. At first i don't want to talk about it here but i'm living in a solitary world. I have limited place to turn to and when they are all gone at the same time, i'm a bit weary with all this thing in my head and in my heart. I guess, needing to cry at time like this is a must. At least i'm able to spilled out everything through my tears. I wish my eye would be supportive today and let me sleep early but what i wish, i don't always get. I sure see a lot of things in that wall beside me.

Daisy, sometimes i feel like i want to puke at times like this. Not because i am disgusted but i just couldn't handle the pressure that i'm feeling right now. I've said it once and i will said it again, i don't have anyone for me to turn to. It's tough for me because i can't cry although my heart feels so heavy with tears but i just can't. I regret the fact that i have to stop crying when that 'past' hurts my pride. I force myself to swallow my tears if i ever feel like crying ever since that day. And now i'm suffering from my own stupidity. It really hurts. My inside is all messed up and i could feel the food is pushing up instead of down. Making me feel like throwing up. At the same time my head would be swirling like in the cartoon. I could feel the swirling thing appear in my eyeball. Nothing is ever enough. But yet why am i still struggling to make things right although there has been countless times this happen. I don't know if i'm blind, deaf, ignorance, naive or just plain stupid. I don't know. This dream of mine to see my family let go of something important in their life and tighten their relationship with each other is something that i want to see for so long. Or that one poison is gone in each of their heart then maybe we would be laughing happily again. Just like in the past. Just like that. This really hurt.

I know i didn't tell in detail about the problem. I don't want to do it so publicly. It's not like me. I needed a shoulder to lean on at times like this. Being alone is really hard. It is hard. Until then, my forever Daisy.