Thee, Daisy

Dear Daisy,

And another busy moment. There might be times where i miss my peacefulness. My quiet mind and the time when my brain stop thinking. But that is impossible now since i'm addicted with thinking. Even the smallest thing i have to look through it more and closely. And there goes my smoky brain. I've been using it for a while now. I wonder if my thinking has gotten old despite my age. I am not defying my age or anything but i'm just worried if the way i think become too serious for everything. I don't really want that at the moment although i do know that's just how life goes. I still want to fall in love with the childish side of mine. I want to be pampered and with that, i need to hold onto my maturing process at the moment. 

Thee, Daisy

Dear Daisy,

It's a ritual thing. Every year i would change the title of this post. Why Thee, Daisy? Erm, actually i want to put Thy Daisy and since i'm not sure what's the meaning of 'thy' i google it up and i happen to find something more meaningful than 'thy'. Thee. I replace it. Everyone might still wonders why Daisy. Why not other famous flowers such as rose or sunflower. The name Daisy sounds soft, sweet and loveable but in reality it lives in the wild. So, in my point of view, daisy is a strong flower on the inside but shows a very timid personality to its surrounding. Besides that, i love the flower daisy. I don't need red roses or blue roses. All i need is daisy. It suits my personality. Just like daisy, i am just like that. 

Be My Daisy

Dear Daisy,

I'm kind like avoiding my family at the moment. I don't feel like talking to them. Beside that, i refuse to join them this morning and that might have cause some other things. As for me, i'm immune being in this state. Although there are times it stress me out to the point i cry my heart out but there are also times where i just hang in there and smile with my own stupidity. Being with them is fun and exciting. Among other things there are also a part where i feel suffocate. I'm the type of person who rarely refuse and just do what they ask me. But when i do refuse and ignore all their wishes, this sort of things happen. They got mad and no matter how many good deeds you do in the past, you won't be remembered by it. You would only be remember because you just said no. And the whole refusing thing that i did this morning has made me the bad person in the family. I know i'm not suppose to refuse going to the event this morning but i got so irritated early in the morning to the point i could not persuade myself to do the bidding. So in the end i just ignore whatever they say and went back to sleep. I don't like people wake me up early in the morning. I prefer waking up by myself and not by them who keeps on shouting. It's annoying.  And due to that, they don't even care about me. They didn't bother if i eat or not. They just didn't bother. Truthfully i'm feeling sick because i had lunch at 5 p.m. I didn't have my breakfast and i just engage myself inside the room. I make things worse. I don't even want to talk to them. Their attitude is killing me at the moment. I want to go far away Daisy. So far away. Can i do that? I don't want to come home anymore. Until then Daisy.

Be My Daisy

Dear Daisy,

I wonder how many things i have given up for now. I seems to be doing that a lot. Although i am known for my stubborn nature and endless try out but somehow lately i just realize there are certain things that i have truly give up. I'm surprised at it myself since i am not that type of person but the truth can really make you speechless at times like this. I wonder why i didn't realize it long ago and i wonder why i decided to give up. This is never a good news nor it's something that i'm proud of. I'm scared Daisy, i'm scared i lost the warmth places in my heart. If i lose all that, i terrified myself at the thought of me being in the same category with people who love to shed blood and let lust and power overwhelm them. I don't want to be that person and now it just scares me. I'm scared of myself and i really do need help. Like any other people who desperately needed help, even my friends rejected me at times like this. I can't even dwell for my heartbreaking moment or talk to my friend about it. Nor my family. Day by day, it's just getting heavier. That's probably the reason why i look like i have given up on it. I'm busy mending my heart every day and busy meddling myself with other people's matter. I forgot that i need to look after myself. I'm probably too eager to be mature and grow up. That's not how it goes. My heart is in pain knowing i give up when i don't want to. I still want to fix things. I still do even if it hurts. This heart of mine, i wish it has a bigger space for me to sort everything out. Feeling gloomy.

Be My Daisy

Dear Daisy,

Got a message from a friend of mine. She asked my permission to sing the song that i wrote and she composed back then. She want to introduce it to the world. I was okay with it. It's not like i have to sing it. I'm only in charge of writing the lyric. She's the one who will be singing and composing it since i don't know anything about notes and stuff. I wish i know how to play guitar and i did try it. She did teach me but due to my stiff finger, i'm unable to learn it quickly enough. Never like to admit how stiff my finger can be. The only thing that i'm good at is typing. I did thought about piano. Getting piano lesson but i'm not from a rich family. And my money is mostly for emergency. Or mostly for my trip. Heh. I miss writing lyric. Although i start with poem but i sure do miss writing lyric and she composed it and sing it just how i like it. It's good to be a student back then. Now i'm just like any adult. Pfftt. Don't know what's that suppose to mean anyway. But i do have an idea why i said it.

Be My Daisy

Dear Daisy,

If it wasn't for anything, i probably be in my own world. I'll probably be on my way for my adventure. Travelling all around the place and publishing a book. I'll just do that. But since i'm here that means i've been sacrificing what i call my youth for the sake of my family. I am not complaining but i'm just telling you that sacrifice things like that is worth it for you learn more about your family. I know it's a lame excuse but that's how i see it. And i'm not giving up the whole thing. I just put myself with limits. Things that i never done before and i happen to challenge myself in the past. My life in the past was full of boast and pride. I mean, i'm proud for the freedom and make other people envy of what i had. I showed them and boast. I know it's not a good thing but i probably had too much fun with my youth. Now, i learn to be humble. I got rid of my ego (although not all) and i know when to back away. You lost some, you gain a lot. A whole lot more. You never know what is the price for your sacrifice. 

Be My Daisy

Dear Daisy,

I'm kind like on a journey again. To where and what i still don't know. Every now and then i got myself lost but it's part of my life. Somehow i don't know what i want.